I told myself that I was going to start doing this from the first of December. It is the second already and the time is 16:38. I don't know if I'll publish this today but here goes nothing.

The Problem

Recently I noticed that I have a bit of a problem. Maybe not just a bit but the thing is that there's a problem somewhere. I used to pride myself as one who wouldn't get anxious years ago. In recent days, anxiety seems to have gotten a hold of me. My mind is always running in circles, leaving me exhausted even after doing practically nothing all day.
This is my first problem. I let overthinking fill my mind; pondering on the minute things and not exactly giving much thought to the more important things. One would think that since I have made a habit of overthinking that I would think a lot about my life, make plans for even my day but that's not so. I decide to drink daily from the cup of 'I cannot come and go and kill myself'.

It started off as a way to curb my anxious thoughts but slowly it has turned into a medium for.. what's the word, not being preoccupied? avoiding life? I don't remember but I hope you get me. So, the moments when my mind can be silent, I fill them with random emptiness, moments of; funny videos, Netflix series, endless scrolling through the highlights of others and then starting to feel sorry for myself.

My second problem is that when I eventually give room for my thoughts, I think the least of myself. There's a bully in my head. The bully is me. I never think that I'm good enough or reaching enough or that I'm reaching anyone. I rarely think that I am on the right track at the least or that I'm making progress.
My mind often amplifies the mistakes that I make and never believes in the moves that I'll make. I always have a smile on my face when my friends tell me how good I am but I rarely ever believe them. Maybe it's a way of protecting my heart. From what? I do not know.

The Solution?