As much as I enjoy writing self checks, they are quite personal for me because they bring me to the point where I am cautious and actually do a scan of myself.

Talking is a part of our everyday life. Majority of it is done with words but it is also expressed in actions. We talk about a whole lot of stuff from things that are important to those which are not.

I was reflecting on a conversation the other day and I began thinking;

How many of the conversations that we have are actually beneficial?
How many are healthy?
Where is the line between just talking about someone and gossiping?

Medical school has been one hell of a ride for me. I'm focused one moment, the next I'm not. While I can deal with my medicine related courses, the other stuff outside of medicine are just extra luggage for me.
First year came with all of it's history and politics and just when I thought it was all over, second year landed me a plate of philosophy.

"I'll just go to class, be quiet, write my test and get out"

That was my original plan for my philosophy class. I really couldn't get myself to understand why it had to be part of the courses I was studying. (I still don't)

This week, in the course of our study of 'Mordern Philosophy', we studied some guy 'Francis Bacon' and I kept thinking of bacon on my pizza throughout the class.
To save us all of the philosophy ish, the thing is that he had some ideologies and in his book, he spoke about his doctrine of 'idols'.

She can be loving and all smiley (wait how do you spell smile-ly), huge snob, friendly, talkative, quiet, weird, collected, depending on where you know her from, how you met her, when you met with her and ummmm 'other' factors.

Lately, I was beginning to think that I was getting a hang of who she was but well, not really. The other day she went all motivational on me and she began to show me things, whisper thoughts, create pictures and draw images of things we could accomplish.

Next, she came off with her, lets-do-nothing ideas and the lets-just-lie-in-bed is a huge classic of mine.
Well, the one that has become hugely accepted of late is the lets-just-stare-at-the-computer-all-day. Dang! That one is a killer. I mean, it just wraps its fingers around you and really don't have to do anything much to keep going. All you need is a warm blanket, a continuous supply of food and drink and trust me you are good to go.

She is me and I am her but sometimes she does not know her.
Dear Lord! What am I saying?
She and her are mixed as one to create the perfect me. And, though she's both fun and not, and her time is 'perfectly' managed, she and her make a great team.

Honestly, she can be a little confusing sometimes and I'm still trying to get her to introduce herself to me.
I like to believe that I'm  pretty much not alone in this and just in case, you've got 'someone' like her that you're still trying to grasp, I wish you success in your journey.

Discover you and all of your faces.


-Kaydo

I'll love to hear from you. Leave your comments below *muah*
Let's keep in touch on Facebook Kaydo's blog
Don't forget '..today belongs to YOU'

Hi there! Thank you for continuing with me on this story. If you haven't already, do check out the previous parts; PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5


It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. My mom stood behind me. She was wearing a lilac coloured dress. It had glitters splashed all over it. The smile on her face was one I hadn't seen in a long while. It extended from her cheek to her eyes and it reflected in her voice as she told me how happy she was for me and how she was proud of the lady I had grown into.

There I stood, fighting the battle with my lacrimal glands. Trying really hard to hold back the tears because, well, it had taken a while to get my make-up done perfectly. After what seemed like an eternity but was really less than 5 minutes, the dam broke down and the tears began to gush down my cheeks freely; more freely than I had ever seen.
In that moment, my mom hugged me, she squeezed me tight in her arms and she said, "I love you my daughter".
"I love you too mom", I almost replied but I was jolted back to reality by the screeching of tires and loud noises.

"Get down from the car!"

I was still trying to wake up and understand what exactly was going on when I received a very hot slap on my cheek. Tears streamed down my cheek, this time, they were real. I saw George lie on the roadside and I tried to find out from him what was going on but every sound I made attracted some sort of beating from these "good guys"

After a while, George couldn't take it anymore, he just couldn't lay there and watch them beat me up like a cow so he stood up and tried to defend me. I mean, I love him a lot  but I wouldn't say that his decision making ability was at it's maximum capacity at that moment.
As soon I saw him standing I screamed, "NO!!!
                                                                 GEORGE, 
                                                                 STAY STILL!!"

But my words arrived rather too late for the next thing I saw was his blood on the road. I loved making a mess while creating but I couldn't stand the sight of blood. So, as the blood trickled down his face, each drop seemed to sing to me a lullaby and soon after, I passed out.

REALITY?
I pretty much didn't know what was real and what wasn't for I kept discovering myself in different worlds and scenarios and it all didn't add up. Every attempt at trying to figure out and understand the events of this evening delivered to me on silver platters, constant rounds of headaches or should I rather refer to them as migraine? I don't know the difference between both but I do know that it felt like a war was being fought in cabinets of my head which sent off constant sparks and lightning, cutting off the energy supply from the rest of my body and magically disappearing the desire for food.

On that bright Tuesday morning, it felt like I had been visited by some angels and the fairy god mother had waved her wand over me giving me a new head because I honestly felt nothing like I felt two weeks ago. During the last two weeks, I had fallen in and out of consciousness but by today, it felt like I had fully recovered.
My arms were moving. "Yaaaaas!"
After having a mini-celebration in my head, I called out for George. He was doing a lot better than I was and it really surprised me. I could see the scar from the wound on his face. He was healing fast but I kinda liked how it made him look, weird huh.

"I'm really sorry"
"I should have listened to you"
"It's all my fault"
Those words slipped out my mouth with great ease.

"..shhh!" George spoke up.
"It's not anyone's fault, okay"
"I want you to focus on getting better"

Soon after, my doctor walked in. She looked like she had been working long hours but she managed to wear a smile when entered the room.
"Tired much", I said as I smiled at her.
"Yes but I love my job" she replied with a much more realistic smile on her face.
"You look a lot more better than you did when you came in here", she said.
Can I speak to you in private?
"You can say whatever in front of George," looking at him, with our eyes interlocking and a smile on my face, "he's family" I continued.
"Okay, we physically examined you when you were brought earlier and we discovered that you were raped.."

She did go on saying a lot of things about how she would recommend I see a therapist and blah blah but the happiness that I woke up with was gone in those minutes.
"So, in addition to head trauma I received from the battering, I was raped?"
"..we discovered that you were raped.." Her words played over and over in my head even after I had been discharged. I couldn't just deal with it.


Yesterday was one of those days where I tried to fit the pieces of my life together and make sense of how I got to this point. I had everything planned out, I was going at the right pace in the 'right direction but right now, my life didn't make any sense.
In the midst of my depressed confusion, I slit my wrists.



For sad and gloomy days exist,
Where pain and confusion may kiss.
But on those sad and gloomy days,
Remember love will find a way.


Always remember that '..today belongs to YOU!'
Let's connect on FACEBOOK.
Join the Inspired HeARTs family.
Have an AMAZING weekend!
See you next week FRIDAY!

Sarah! Sarah!! Sarah!!!
Oh my God!!
'Why'd you do this to yourself?'

The next thing I remember is that I woke up in the hospital with Jess sitting next to me. Her eyes were red and the bags underneath them could hold large quantity of water. Slowly, I turned my head towards her and with the little energy I had, I whispered her name.

'How are you feeling?'
'What exactly happened?'
'I returned from classes and saw you lying on the kitchen floor'
'The doctor said..'

I didn't hear any of the other things she said and I gently allowed the river of tear stuck in my eyes run down my face.

I was having one of the worst days of my life yesterday. The darkness that seemed to hover around me was somewhat doubled. I tried to stand but it seemed like there were bricks strapped on to my chest. My strength was gone from me and there was no one around.

I managed to pick up my phone and call George. He was the only one apart from Jess who knew what was going on with me. He didn't respond; probably because he was in class.
I had stopped attending classes for about 5 months now. The school kept calling me to find out what exactly I was up to and how they could help me but I didn't want any external help.

George was my closest friend, we went on trips together. Basically where I went, he did go to. So, he was there on that night when it all happened.

It was two weeks after my birthday. There was a meet and greet in a city not too far from school so we decided to attend; well, we'd be back soon. I remember wearing a flower print sleeveless jumpsuit with nude pumps. I let my hair up in a fro and wore minimal makeup. George on the other hand simply threw a blazer on a white pair of jeans. He wasn't one who cared so much about how he looked. Anyways, we both looked good.

'I think it's high time we left here' George said
Please, I want to stay here a little longer, I responded.
I loved the serene environment and I pretty much wanted to soak in all of the beauty.
George was always protective, he didn't take chances with our safety and I just pushed his words aside because I concluded that it was just one of his usual 'over protectiveness'

At about 8pm, we started our journey back. It was a 2 hour drive and George drove.

Jesuuuuuuuuuuuuuus! 
Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!

I was there but I wasn't. I could recognize that it was Jess calling out my name but I couldn't respond. I watched my strength flow out of body and I believed I was dead.

Well, I wanted to just die but fate said 'not today'. A couple of minutes later, my eyes slowly opened and looking on me with tears in his eyes was George.
I saw the scar near his right eye. It was like a piece of art work for the curve was perfectly accentuated, highlighting his cheek bones.

Every time, I saw the scar, I remembered that night. The truth is that I do not remember most of it but what I do remember has been more than enough to give me nightmares.



One, two, three, four
My heart's pieces are on the floor.
Five, six, seven eight
And now my soul is filled with hate.

Thank you for reading this. If you haven't, check out the previous parts PART 1, PART 2, PART 3 and PART 4
Let's connect on FACEBOOK.
Don't forget that '..today belongs to you'
See you next week! 

What's up everyone, it's your girl Kaydo.
If we're connected on Facebook, there's the probability that you've seen me talk about 'Inspired HeARTs' over and over again. Okay, I may not have explained it but yeah, you did see it in my hashtags.

What is Inspired HeARTs?
This is a body that seeks to create a platform for art showcase. It also builds an environment for grown and personal development.

The truth is that we all have different forms of inspiration on our inside. There's different ways we see the world, that means that there's different ways we can influence it. We were all created with different passions and there are several ways we express ourselves.
What Inspired Heart does is that it gives you room to groom yourself and provides a platform for you to express yourself.


Do you have a passion, a drive, something you think the world needs to hear, join the family of Inspired Hearts and let your voice be heard.

Send us a mail: inspiredhearts1@gmail.com
Like our page on Facebook: Inspired HeARTs

..inspired hearts, inspiring lives.

Hi guys! Let me quickly say a very big 'THANK YOU' to everyone who has been following this story. The feedback has been amazing. I do appreciate you.
Just in case you are reading this story for the first time, you may want to catch up. These are the links to PART 1, PART 2 and PART 3.
Do enjoy!



Slowly the days crawled by. Right before my eyes, my passion disappeared leaving no traces of it's previous existence. Although I often tried to restart my system, it always responded with silence and blank stares.

It's 7:42pm. Here I am having one of my 'moments'. This blue feeling often takes over my soul, wrapping it cold dark fingers around my heart and slowly but steadily ripping it in pieces.
Earlier today, I had an appointment with my doctor. I have been having this pain in my chest for quite a while and very recently it, had gotten worse.
Every time I had an appointment, they couldn't find anything wrong with me. Today, he gave me the same report, 'everything is okay with you'. Deep down I knew everything wasn't fine and I told him that I wasn't satisfied with that report but all I got was 'take out some time to rest'

I know that I've been investing quite a lot of time in my education; both curricular and extracurricular. Week after week, I kept travelling, from one conference to another. I loved meeting people, I loved the experience that the conferences brought. I loved the balls, the dinners, the breakfast meetings and the unscheduled ones. I loved living life on the go, always up and about.

On a basic weekday, I woke up at about 4am and I almost always have some research work to do, some structure I was designing, or just something else that kept me busy. Classes and a bunch of things happened every other day. My cup of coffee kept me up when my body wasn't willing to stay. It was my drug, my number one buddy, I couldn't go a day without having at least 3 cups of coffee; black please.
With all of these things happening in my life, my doctor could probably be right when he said, I was stressed out and just needed to rest.

I'm trying to relax but my body won't let me, my heart keeps skipping beats. Although the sun is shinning, my muscles are shivering, my teeth, clenching.

ring ring

Another heart beat missed!
My phone's ring tone jolted me back to reality. It was my mom calling..
The tight bond that existed between my mom and I had gone slack over the last couple of months. I've been so busy with all of the things that's happening around me that I barely had time for conversations with even Jess.

'Hi mom'
-'My baby, how are you'

I tried to say, 'I'm not fine mom, I feel so sick and sad, my heart feels like it's been sliced and there's a fire in my head. My whole body is broken, my bone, my muscles, my very personality feels like it's been stripped off me'

Those where the words I honestly wanted to say but how could bring myself to tell my mom that her only child, her shining jewel, her piece of royalty, her purple sprinkles wasn't doing well. She's been ill and although she seems a lot better these day, I really want to make the last years that she has beautiful.

With fake smiles forced on my face and a hint of enthusiasm, I managed to whisper, 'I'm very fine mom'



Masks and covers
Black, pink covers
Pain, smile covers
While my heart shudders.

To every one with pain unspoken, you are not alone. Hang in there!

See you next week FRIDAY!
Don't forget that "..today belongs to YOU!"

*sniffs*

Why do people go around cutting onions?
I was on my own "jejedly" listening to music and I decided to listen to "Storyteller" by Morgan Harper Nicholas then slowly but steadily my eyes began to water.


The video shows people who do not have the 'perfect' life but from the midst of their storms and imperfections, they have become testimonies.
Life may not always seem perfect, things may not always go as you want but you can create the best out of it.
I don't know what you're going through or how life may look right now but let me just speak 'it is well' into your life.

"Oh the mountain where I climbed
The valley where I fell
You were there all along
That's the story I'll tell
You brought the pieces together
Made me this storyteller
Now I know it is well, it is well
That's the story I tell"

What's your story? Be a storyteller. Your story, your testimony, will encourage someone going through tough times.

Be one who UPLIFTS this FEBRUARY.
Have an amazing month!

I'll love to hear from you. Leave your comments below *muah*
Let's keep in touch on Facebook Kaydo's blog

Don't forget '..today belongs to YOU'