Heartbeats skipping is the new norm.
Here I stand face to face with reality.
The smoke screen of my illusions all gone.
The scales that once covered my eyes lay there on the floor to my left.
Every 'right' turn eventually led south and my Wernicke's lesioned.
For though my words line up as a legion, they make no sense and I know not.

and umm, no I don't have this much clothes or nah ;)

I recognize this place.
I know this state, this feeling is familiar.
My cheeks have felt this liquid run down them before, the temperature, the speed, the ...
Their slow but steady arrival at the skin near my lips and their salty similarity to the dead sea often kept me in a state, afloat.
My hands have lost their grip and paper that I tried crafting words on looks more like a paper mache.

This is the first time that I felt anything in the last couple of months. Too bad, all I feel is heavy sadness and a longing for death.

My therapist did tell me that it was going to get messy. She definitely warned me of the possibility that my fences would break down soon and that the storm that would follow would be tough.

I really didn't want to start off planning my life again or write out a CV having the fact that I didn't graduate. Being an aeronautical engineer was my number one goal, it was all I ever wanted, I couldn't imagine dreaming another dream or living another life but I had lost so much passion for school.

There are moments in my life that I'll love to live in forever. Periods that I'll love to freeze and float in, people that I definitely want to hang on to, I mean, probably in just a certain time frame.
The smoochy feeling of temporary happiness and the overflowing satisfaction of serotonin flooding my veins and arteries giving me 'high' and laughter; I'll probably want to live in those moments forever.

BUT

If I stay there forever, I'll never see what tomorrow holds or feel the happiness that tomorrow brings. The 'high' I felt yesterday would be the highest 'high', I'll ever feel. And though, the future beckons me that there's more 'high' to be achieved, I'll never believe them because, I'll be stuck in a 'high' that is stale.