I'm yet to become a mother but I think that there's a switch that goes off when one has a child. It happens irrespective of your gender, your heart just goes all out for a little human and you can't wait to take care of them and watch them grow.

As a child, on the other hand, I never really saw parents as people to be loved. They were to be respected, obeyed, relied on but really not to be loved.
At least, I had a soft spot for my mom but my dad, ahhh, he's a "hard man".

You know those tweets and meme say that your parents reply with God bless you when you say to them that you love them or they find a way around the discussion. You know how they rarely say 'I love you', they'd rather say 'Have you eaten?'



In my own case, it's more like the opposite. My parents especially my dad would say 'I love you' and although I wouldn't reply with God bless you, it would be so awkward for me that I'll either find a way out out of the conversation or just keep quiet.

I am learning to love my father. I am learning to tell him that I love him. I am learning that he's a person that I should indeed love. I chose to write about him on my blog because I know he'll read it not because I need him to send me extra cash (daddy you can still send me extra, I am always open to that 😂).

I don't know what the relationship is like between you and your dad but learn to love him, in whatever way that may be for you. Whether it means that you call him just to check up on him, send him a message that you're thinking of him,  be there with him or maybe some other way.

Respect him, rely on him, love him.

Grace and Peace
Kaydo ❤

I decided to document my fifth year in medical school here on my blog. This is one of the few times that I've been excited to go to school. It's like 'finally!' 5th year is here and that means that med school is almost over. Yay!?

Obstetrics and gynaecology wins the award for the most boring major course, in my opinion. I know, I'm a lady so most people would think that I'd like it a bit, well, apparently not. Maybe I've just closed my heart to it, maybe I'll like it in the future but who knows.



On the other hand, paediatrics seems to be winning my heart again. Maybe a huge part of it has to do with the doctors in charge, maybe not but it does seem quite interesting.

The first week was a usual first week, there's really nothing much to study, the teachers are still nice, by the next classes, I'll know better.

Apart from school, I think I'm in an 'okay' place mentally. I set boundaries just to help me manage my space and so far it's working.

I listened to "Why so serious?" by Pastor Emmanuel Iren and my heart is all so stirred up to pray.

This first entry is here, there and everywhere but let's see how this goes.
If there's anything I learnt in the first week it'll be "the fact that you don't know isn't something to be ashamed of or something to hide. It's when you accept your state, you can begin to open your heart and start learning".

Grace and Peace.
Kaydo ❤

I'm always wondering if to jump in or ease in, what do you suggest I do?

I already have a video on this topic on my channel so please check it out. (and subscribe too (and click the bell button so you get notified when I post))


A quick recap of what I said:
1. Daily devotions are good, they help you grow.
2. Devotionals are helpful tools.
3. Devotionals shouldn't take the place of Bible study.

Grace and peace. ❤
Kaydo

It's exactly 14 days till classes begin. I AM NOT READY!! I am also doing a mental recap of my break, trying to figure the wins and losses.

I had just one goal for the summer; be healthy! I wanted to take care of my spiritual, emotional and physical being. I had had quite an 'interesting' year so far, so I was ready to take a break from it all.



Everything was going quite well, I mean, I was eating food. 😖😖 Yes, I know exactly how that sounds but during the semester you'll catch me eating either bread or spaghetti (special shout-out to those of you who eat healthy 🙌🙌)
I was working out, don't ask me what for, we'll fight. I was sleeping weeeell!

I had fixed myself into a routine, regular Bible study and prayer and writing and practicando mi español.

Everything was fine until...
Slowly I slipped out, everything was messed up, and as much as I was praying, I wasn't really in it, in it, if you feel me.

I'm a bit jumpy because another semester is about to begin and 5th year is no 4th year. I'm a bit worried because I feel like I'll fall off track completely and just go through the motions and not be intentional about the things that I do.

Still, with all my raging thoughts, I feel God nudging me to relax in His peace, to walk in step with Him, to grow, to be better, to trust Him..

How are you doing?

Hey there!!!!!
How are you doing? I'm currently on summer break so I have some free time. I had to do some clinical practice for one month but it's only 6 days left, yay!!!

I spend the first part of my day in the hospital and mostly the remainder of my day is spent watching K-drama (shameless).

Do you watch K-drama? 

What do you do during your free time?

One of the recurring themes in the dramas I've watched is 'dreams'. What's your dream? What's your goal? What is it that you want to do with your life?


I had a wide scope of things that I wanted from life, I mean, I still do but of course, some things have changed.

At one point in my life, I was determined that I was going to be a motivational speaker. I was ready to go all out to make that dream come true.

Currently, when someone refers to me as motivational speaker, I cringe. Why? Because I don't see myself as one and it's really not what I want to be.

You may think, 'ooomph! What's there, what's the big deal about not being a motivational speaker? What's the deal about you not being one?'
To you, it may not seem like such big a deal but to me it was.

Your dream may not sound like rainbows to everyone but you know what is it that you want.

Also, give yourself room to grow and if in the process of growth you find the need to modify some parts of your dream, why not! Don't let the thought of what people would think weigh you down.

I still want to be a speaker, the kind has definitely changed but I'm not giving myself grace and opportunity to enjoy the journey.

Dream!!!
Adjust if need be, but keep dreaming!!

With love,
Kaydo.

I always look forward to meeting with my church family. Such fellowships, for me, are a time to recharge, be strengthened and equipped to face life.

I especially love Sunday Fellowships and one of the segments I look forward to is singing hymns. There's just something about hymns. Unlike the other times of singing, there's the call to be attentive to the words that are being sung.

Does your church sing hymns too?

Do you have a favourite hymn? 

Today we sang 'Trust and Obey'

Trust and Obey 

For there's no other way 

To be happy in Jesus

Than to trust and obey.

The preacher further took his time to explain how important it was to have a heart like a child, willing to obey God every step of the way.

This is one of the many things that I've been learning lately; trusting God even when I don't understand it.
Our theme for the month is 'Complete reliance on God' and reflecting, I've seen this easily I've trusted men rather than God, how quickly I've obeyed men rather than God.

We are called to a life of surrender. A life of trusting God and obeying Him every step of the way.

What did you learn in church?

Oh hey there!
I'm back again with the posts. Yes, I know, I've been gone for way too long but can we just hug it out, please...

Let me just quickly chip in that I'm yet to perfect the skill called consistency but I'm willing to learn it.

I'm randomly adding this picture of myself just in case you forgot what I looked like.

Why the long hiatus?
Well, there was a war in my head.

Am I a blogger or am I just a writer who blogs? 

I know they sound similar but not in my head.
If I accept that I'm a blogger, it'll mean that I'm willing to go all the way, do all the optimization, do this, do that, find collaborations... The truth is that I'm too lazy for that or should I say, I was too lazy (we're declaring positively) for all the blogging shenanigans.

Also, my inconsistency was affecting my read count so I got all discouraged but now I'm delivert!

So, here I am, back like I never left.
Now, we're going to make a toast. Raise your glasses 🍷.
We will be consistent, I will write, you will read, we will share, we will converse in the comment section. Cheers!!
Clink, clink. 😂😂

4am

How long can one go without sleeping?
How long does one go without sleeping before they start to lose their mind?
I mean, I really just want to lose my mind.


*picks up phone*

I'v tried to bring myself to change my screen lock picture, my wallpaper but I can't. I just can't do. You were a huge part of my life. They keep saying that I'll get over you. They say to give it time, time heals all wounds..
..but how am I supposed to live? How am I supposed to act like the last 10years of my life didn't happen?

Everytime, I hold my phone, I see you.
Your eyes, the way they smile. That streak of grey hair in front of your head that you often pulled.

Where are you?!!!!

I just want to see that birthmark on your shoulder. I haven't brought myself to have a bath. I couldn't. I would see the tattoo on my shoulder. I would be reminded of how you teased me, how you called me 'softie' because I wanted a tatoo that was similar to your birthmark.

Tell me please,
How am I supposed to go on without you?
How?
It was just weeks ago when we drew our 10year plan. Are you telling me those plans, those plans,  thoe dreams we dreamed together, will only remain dreams?


4pm

Max has been lurking around the door, waiting for you obviously.
I can't bring myself to tell him that you're never coming back.
That you've gone,
gone for good,
gone to a better place?

I know I don't have much but you told me that you loved me with what I had. You told me what I had was enough for you, for us.


4 months after

I guess time has abandoned me because I still see my wounds. I wish Max would lick them, maybe I would heal better.


4 years later

Who's in charge of the list of people that time heals?
Did they skip my name?
Did they cancel it out?
Do they keep moving me to the bottom of the list?

Because everything keeps getting worse.
I see you, I hear you
But, no one else does.

They took me to a hospital. My doctor has been trying to convince me that you never existed but I know you, I've seen you.
I'm here now and everything that reminded me of you isn't.