Hi guys! Let me quickly say a very big 'THANK YOU' to everyone who has been following this story. The feedback has been amazing. I do appreciate you.
Just in case you are reading this story for the first time, you may want to catch up. These are the links to PART 1, PART 2 and PART 3.
Do enjoy!



Slowly the days crawled by. Right before my eyes, my passion disappeared leaving no traces of it's previous existence. Although I often tried to restart my system, it always responded with silence and blank stares.

It's 7:42pm. Here I am having one of my 'moments'. This blue feeling often takes over my soul, wrapping it cold dark fingers around my heart and slowly but steadily ripping it in pieces.
Earlier today, I had an appointment with my doctor. I have been having this pain in my chest for quite a while and very recently it, had gotten worse.
Every time I had an appointment, they couldn't find anything wrong with me. Today, he gave me the same report, 'everything is okay with you'. Deep down I knew everything wasn't fine and I told him that I wasn't satisfied with that report but all I got was 'take out some time to rest'

I know that I've been investing quite a lot of time in my education; both curricular and extracurricular. Week after week, I kept travelling, from one conference to another. I loved meeting people, I loved the experience that the conferences brought. I loved the balls, the dinners, the breakfast meetings and the unscheduled ones. I loved living life on the go, always up and about.

On a basic weekday, I woke up at about 4am and I almost always have some research work to do, some structure I was designing, or just something else that kept me busy. Classes and a bunch of things happened every other day. My cup of coffee kept me up when my body wasn't willing to stay. It was my drug, my number one buddy, I couldn't go a day without having at least 3 cups of coffee; black please.
With all of these things happening in my life, my doctor could probably be right when he said, I was stressed out and just needed to rest.

I'm trying to relax but my body won't let me, my heart keeps skipping beats. Although the sun is shinning, my muscles are shivering, my teeth, clenching.

ring ring

Another heart beat missed!
My phone's ring tone jolted me back to reality. It was my mom calling..
The tight bond that existed between my mom and I had gone slack over the last couple of months. I've been so busy with all of the things that's happening around me that I barely had time for conversations with even Jess.

'Hi mom'
-'My baby, how are you'

I tried to say, 'I'm not fine mom, I feel so sick and sad, my heart feels like it's been sliced and there's a fire in my head. My whole body is broken, my bone, my muscles, my very personality feels like it's been stripped off me'

Those where the words I honestly wanted to say but how could bring myself to tell my mom that her only child, her shining jewel, her piece of royalty, her purple sprinkles wasn't doing well. She's been ill and although she seems a lot better these day, I really want to make the last years that she has beautiful.

With fake smiles forced on my face and a hint of enthusiasm, I managed to whisper, 'I'm very fine mom'



Masks and covers
Black, pink covers
Pain, smile covers
While my heart shudders.

To every one with pain unspoken, you are not alone. Hang in there!

See you next week FRIDAY!
Don't forget that "..today belongs to YOU!"