It's hard to define yourself when you are a bunch of things. Scrap that, let me not over generalize; maybe some people have found it easy and have learnt the art of joggling between all of the things that they can do.
I, on the other hand, haven't learnt that. I often find myself at crossroads defining who exactly I am.

I listen to a wide range of speakers and one of the things that I have heard on repeat is that you have to specialize, be known for one thing. This, really causes a turmoil on my inside. I am like, which of the things that I do, which of the means by which I express myself do I want to focus on.
That is one question that I haven't been able to answer.

No, the questioning of my identity didn't just start today and I pretty much doubt that someone is going to give me a set of  'practical steps' or 'practical questions to ask myself' that I haven't heard before. I'm not bragging but I used to watch a lot of those kinds of speakers, read books and attend conferences. Maybe the issue isn't with them, maybe it's with me. maybe there is no issue at all.

I should pause with the vagueness for a bit.



During my summer break, I had a meet up with my friend and it happened that she was at a choir rehearsal. They invited me to join in, they asked, 'don't you sing?' Guess what my response what, 'I used to, not anymore'.
It would make more sense to someone if my voice went through some changes or I have some sort of medical condition that prevents me from singing but I had none of those. My decision to stop singing just happened one of those days when I was feeling high and thoughtful.

However, I keep finding myself lurking within the chambers of music; writing and singing.

Music is just one part of my life and within the last couple of weeks, it is something I have discovered that I really can't completely push out of my life.

I write, obviously. But that in itself is also broad.
I love the stage and I love being behind the scenes also. Does that confuse you? I hope not.

These are just a few obvious parts of myself.
The thing is from time to time, various sides of me are dominant.
There are days when the dominant side is the girl who loves God, loves His word and is called to teach. There are periods when all she wants to do is dig into the word, study and interact.
On other days, she is just interested in writing love poems.

We could just say I'm versatile huh?

What's my point?
2017 is almost finished and I'm yet to find the label that suits perfectly. Maybe there's none, maybe I'll find it.
However, as long as I live, I want to live in the full expression of everyone of my sides, gifts and skills.
Diverse, they may be, still I will express them.

So who am I?
I am Gift Ogwa, Kaydo, Teacher, Poet, Writer, Singer, Sister and more..

Your Sister.

Today has been such a day. I already had an idea for today's entry but I'm too tired to even think. Currently, I am a combination of tired, hungry and it's all making me angry.
Why am I here then; why am I not dancing to the tune of my bed?
Well, I'm trying to be a better person and be consistent even for the seemingly small things. I can simply sleep. Nobody will beat me but I choose to be here.


There's this thing I tell myself, 'we show up even when we don't feel like it'. Seeing that I am someone who is always caught up in her feelings, this helps to keep me in check. It helps me lead my feelings and that I am not always letting them take the lead because we both know that letting feelings lead all the time isssa dangerous game.

So, I come back from class feeling all kinds of emotions. I'm not one who'll kill herself over marks in class but today I just couldn't let that one mark go. I fought for it, I answered extra questions and I got it. *inserts applause*
I could get excited over that but that extra time I spent with her means I missed taking a taxi with my group mates, means I had to stand for almost 15 minutes in the cold, good thing I wasn't alone. Trust me, it wasn't a fun thing to do.


One innocent person tries to have a conversation with me online and I'm snapping at them already for nothing. Am I the only one who does this? I know that I shouldn't have and I need to work on that aspect, I need to check my attitude but here's some advice when it comes to dealing with a hangry person.

ps: just for jokes but seriously..
Never annoy a HANGRY person. When you see them, go the other way. Do not speak to them, do not even look at them. Your only contact with them should just be to give them food and better still leave the food within their reach, leave a note, don't speak to them. Did I already say, 'don't speak to them'?

If by chance you notice that they are tired too, don't try to have a conversation with them. Just switch off the regular light, turn on the night light or just leave the room dark. Be quiet.
Do not touch them, you may trigger them.
When in doubt, do nothing, say nothing.

Whew!
I thought this post would be just two sentences but see, I was able to create something! yay! There's that feeling of satisfaction that comes from reaching your goal and I guess that's what I feel now or maybe I'm just high on sugar from all the cake and icecream I'm eating. (comfort food)

I should sign out now.
Hopefully, tomorrow, I'll be stronger.

Kaydo.

Hey lovelies!
 Welcome back. If you're not really into reading, don't worry, you can just watch the video HERE.



So, really, what's in a name?
I don't really know about other parts of the world but I know that Africans are really big on names. When they name a child, it's not just something random, it's probably related to how the child was born or the circumstances surrounding their birth or even, the kind of life they hope for the child.

Does your name have any special significance? If it does, leave a comment, let's talk about it.

My middle name is Oghenekohwodo and as much as I don't answer it a lot of the time; I think it's just my mom and my dad and some of my family members that call me by it, it's a name that I cherish so much because of what it means.
It means, God is the one who gives greatness, God is the one who makes a person big, literally.

In these days I'm learning to accept the name and understand it because I really believe that God is the one who makes people great.
Now, this is not to dispute the fact that if you work hard, greatness is coming to you but then as a believer, I do believe that God has destined that everyone of us will be great, His plan for us is greatness
But, this is how I see it..
God already has the greatness in store for me so, what should I do? My part is to align myself with His plan, with His purpose, with His design for my life because His plan for me is to make me great, His end point is perfect.

I do want to encourage you that God's plans for you are perfect, His end point is beautiful, so stop trying to struggle or step out of His will or figure out everything by yourself.
I want to encourage you to rest in God's plan for you, to rest in the path that He has designed for you because God knows you!!

So, I like my name, I like the meaning and I try my best to live in line with it because God is the one who has planned my greatness, I just have to walk in line with Him and with Him and the greatness will manifest.

Till next time, remember that today belongs to you!!

I honestly have no explanation for why I've been gone for so long. It's been quite a mix of loss of interest and motivation with a bit of laziness.

The last couple of months have felt different to me. I've been on some sort of journey; bits of which I'll share in coming posts.


In the past days, weeks, I've had ideas pop into my head, beautifully crafted scripts that danced within my skull -- they, however, never got to see the light of day.

In my third year, my excuse was that I had no time. Here I am, half way through fourth year with all the time in my hands and I have barely birthed half of the stories, poems and even articles, I thought I would.

This is me challenging myself to actively seek inspiration and share my version of the refined work with you.
Here I am, moving out of the street called 'Comfort'.
I will share my life and the lessons. I will share Abba's love with you, yes you.

So, keep a date, be back tomorrow, there'll be something new to share.

With love,
Kaydo.

I like to think that I am on some form of local anaesthesia; 2% Lidocaine injected in my soul because having to face the reality would kill me another round.

They say, when the anaesthesia kicks in, first is analgesia, then comes excitement and then the anaesthesic effect.
Here, I have been sitting in this wooden box waiting on the anaesthetic effect because of course at first I lost the feel of pain. Even now, I can't feel the pain when I swipe the blades across my skin; that usually spot for the POS, trading bodies for the cost of soul.



Oh well, I digress.

Blood did flow and you'd think that after losing half a liter I'd stop. Well, I quite did but I'd get a fresh transfusion, with a fresh dose of that injection, lose the pain, get high again, I'm stuck in my affliction.

Addition. Addition. Addiction.
Addicted to the pleasure from the activation of my opioid receptors. Receptive to that age old "pill" passed down from my ancestors.

Ancestry claims, blame it on Adam or maybe Eve.
Maybe Even blame it on Cain.
On the cane that mama whipped me with.
That cane brought forth similar pain.

Every lash was an independent slash in the same spot on my soul.

Oh, I digress again.

I put on my defence mechanisms, stimulate my sympathetic system.
Digressing is my preventing of the truth from seeping deep in.
Putting mud into my eyes, not for healing but for blindness.
Artificially creating cataract.

I died slowly, not because I didn't know I was sick.
I died slowly because I couldn't take my eyes off the stimulus.
I couldn't lift up my eyes to look on the stick.
I just couldn't trade the lido for the healing.

I almost want to start off this post with a disclaimer saying that this is not directed at anybody specifically and that this just my thoughts and blah blah but ummm, I guess I already did that.

I was in my house, in my space, all alone. I took solace in nurturing my heart, learning it's curves and edges, seeing it's beauty and flaws. Everything was perfect, well, sorta, it was the best I had ever felt.

One of those days, I saw you out of the corner of my eye, I had barely turned but then you disappeared. Night after night, your thoughts flooded my heart. I had something new to think about, something else I could fantasize about. You were my daytime dream. I would often catch myself dreaming of seeing you again and then actually meeting you.

Maybe, we would have enough time to sit and talk.
Maybe you would show me the actual blend of things that made you look this beautiful.


It took a while before you showed up again but then I was glad that at the very least, I got to meet you.
'I've known you for a while' you said, 'it's actually been more than just a while, we actually met when you were much younger but I don't think that you remember'.. You kept talking but then my mind was racing with thoughts. I couldn't fathom how someone could be just the perfect blend of dream and reality. You were what I had dreamed of for the longest of time. I had convinced myself that you only existed in my dreamland but here you were, alive and talking.

*snap, snap*
back to reality

We should get together sometime..'

Random fact about me: I am a sucker for love.

Hello love!!
Happy Valentine's Day.
Love, love, love. Love is everywhere. Feel it! Breathe it! Experience it!
Love is pretty much everywhere around you. Most of the time, you don't get too see the love around you because you're not exactly focused on that area.




In one of my poems, I write, 'Love is an art we learn..' I was thinking on this today and it made a lot more sense. There is the science of love and the art in it. The art of love is the cautious, mindful, clearly put together words and actions.
On this life's journey, we keep learning. Keep learning to love. 

With love,
KAYDO. 💜

Hello there!

I was thinking of the 'perfect' introduction for this post and the only thing that kept popping in my head is 'will you keep quiet?' in mummy Patience's voice.

This post is kind of like the summary for a series of posts I did on my Instagram.
You're not following me, ah, don't be doing like that naw eh. Anyways, let me switch up my personalities and let's get down to this post.



Life is governed by principles. One of the important principles is timing. I mean, everyone knows, we've heard it over and over again, 'THERE IS TIME FOR EVERYTHING".
There is a time to sow and a time to reap.
Time to sleep and a time to be awake and as much as I would love to sleep most of the time, it just doesn't work that way.
One other thing that there's timing for is when to talk. There's a time to speak and a time to be silent.

Everybody wants to be heard, we want to get attention but sometimes it's not about who shouts the loudest but who has taken the time to be calculative, it's about who has the wisdom to plan.

In our journey of life, it's necessary that when the time is right, we create an atmosphere of silence both on the outside and on the inside,
Silence gives you room to focus, to plan, to calculate, to strategize. Sometimes, people may take your silence for ignorance but no, when your silence has purpose, when your silence is strategic, it doesn't show ignorance, in fact, it shows wisdom.

It's not enough to go around just speaking words, it's also necessary to be silent sometimes,
Life is about balance and it can be easy to be on one side of the extreme but a conscious effort and discipline would help you be balanced.

Are you a talkative? Maybe it's time for you to create time to be quiet.
Are you overly quiet? Maybe it's time for you to open up your mouth and speak those things that are locked up in you.
In all, find a purpose for what you do and stick with it.

xx
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..today belongs to you.