I recognize this place.
I know this state, this feeling is familiar.
My cheeks have felt this liquid run down them before, the temperature, the speed, the ...
Their slow but steady arrival at the skin near my lips and their salty similarity to the dead sea often kept me in a state, afloat.
My hands have lost their grip and paper that I tried crafting words on looks more like a paper mache.

This is the first time that I felt anything in the last couple of months. Too bad, all I feel is heavy sadness and a longing for death.

My therapist did tell me that it was going to get messy. She definitely warned me of the possibility that my fences would break down soon and that the storm that would follow would be tough.

I really didn't want to start off planning my life again or write out a CV having the fact that I didn't graduate. Being an aeronautical engineer was my number one goal, it was all I ever wanted, I couldn't imagine dreaming another dream or living another life but I had lost so much passion for school.


"Hi Sarah"
'Oh my gosh!, I told you not to sneak up on me anymore. You startled me'
"I'm sorry darling, I didn't mean to."

Seeing George always brought smile to my face, he had been there for me through thick and thin. My eyes once again wandered across his face and my mind couldn't comprehend how much he had grown and matured.

"Go get dressed, we're going out"
'Why? It's not my birthday, is it? Oh no, it's my birthday'
"Your birthday isn't until 4 months, who forgets their birthday? We're just going out. You need to get out of this house, you've been in here for too long"

So, he pulled me up from the sofa where I sat in my usual jean shorts and black tank top and gently pushed me towards my room. As much as I was feeling lazy, I did walk to my room. Just as I was I about lay on the bed, I heard him scream, "You better take a shower because I know you haven't had one today".
Hahahah!
It was true though.

I managed to throw on a cute turquoise dress with a brown belt and wore a pair of sandals.

"ooooh! You're all dressed up. I wasn't sure if you were going to wear anything  other than a pair of jeans and a polo top"
'I'm going to change these clothes if you keep talking that way'
With the smile left off by the chuckle that he tried to hide, he said, "you look beautiful"

I loved viewing nature. The chirping of the birds seemed to stimulate my inner peace and the perfectly blended out colours in the trees and flowers watered my eyes with happiness.
'Thank you for bringing me out here. It has been really nice coming here with you', I said absent-mindedly to George as my eyes were lost in the beauty of the scenery.

'Sarah, Sarah!'
I jerked back to reality, turned around and saw George down on one knee.
'What are you doing?'

"ssshhh! Just listen!"
"I know that the last year and some months have been tough for you and that most of all you have been tough on yourself but Sarah, my dear, would you let me love you?
I want to be there for you, even in your recovery days. I know how much you used to want to be an engineer and how you wanted to have your own kids and raise your family and how the past happenings have depleted your enthusiasm for such..."

'But you know that I am..'

"HIV positive?
I know about that, I considered it too. You've been my friend for so long and you've been a pillar for me. Should I now let you down because life has shown you a different face?
I've always wanted to live my life with you but going through this phase with you has strengthened that desire within me.
I want you to be that engineer, that mom, that lady that you always dreamed to be.
Would you let me help you?
Would you let me love you?
Would you let God love you through me?
Will you marry me?"

'Yes. Yes'
Those were all the words I could muffle through the tears and constant sniffing.
I had given up on life but here I stand with a ray of sunshine and from the tiny windows to my soul, I could see my mom and Jess standing, not so afar off and that my mom was happy.
She was happy.

All things that are pink and purple
May not always be a couple.
My feathers, life's winds may ruffle.
And these shoes may make me stumble.
BUT
Will you make me smile a little?
Make my heart once more to giggle?
And help me once more to see,
All things that are pink and purple.

Thank you for being with me on this journey!
If you haven't already;
READ UP PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6.
Let's connect on FACEBOOK - Kaydo's Blog
'..today belongs to YOU'