Hi there! Thank you for continuing with me on this story. If you haven't already, do check out the previous parts; PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5


It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. My mom stood behind me. She was wearing a lilac coloured dress. It had glitters splashed all over it. The smile on her face was one I hadn't seen in a long while. It extended from her cheek to her eyes and it reflected in her voice as she told me how happy she was for me and how she was proud of the lady I had grown into.

There I stood, fighting the battle with my lacrimal glands. Trying really hard to hold back the tears because, well, it had taken a while to get my make-up done perfectly. After what seemed like an eternity but was really less than 5 minutes, the dam broke down and the tears began to gush down my cheeks freely; more freely than I had ever seen.
In that moment, my mom hugged me, she squeezed me tight in her arms and she said, "I love you my daughter".
"I love you too mom", I almost replied but I was jolted back to reality by the screeching of tires and loud noises.

"Get down from the car!"

I was still trying to wake up and understand what exactly was going on when I received a very hot slap on my cheek. Tears streamed down my cheek, this time, they were real. I saw George lie on the roadside and I tried to find out from him what was going on but every sound I made attracted some sort of beating from these "good guys"

After a while, George couldn't take it anymore, he just couldn't lay there and watch them beat me up like a cow so he stood up and tried to defend me. I mean, I love him a lot  but I wouldn't say that his decision making ability was at it's maximum capacity at that moment.
As soon I saw him standing I screamed, "NO!!!
                                                                 GEORGE, 
                                                                 STAY STILL!!"

But my words arrived rather too late for the next thing I saw was his blood on the road. I loved making a mess while creating but I couldn't stand the sight of blood. So, as the blood trickled down his face, each drop seemed to sing to me a lullaby and soon after, I passed out.

REALITY?
I pretty much didn't know what was real and what wasn't for I kept discovering myself in different worlds and scenarios and it all didn't add up. Every attempt at trying to figure out and understand the events of this evening delivered to me on silver platters, constant rounds of headaches or should I rather refer to them as migraine? I don't know the difference between both but I do know that it felt like a war was being fought in cabinets of my head which sent off constant sparks and lightning, cutting off the energy supply from the rest of my body and magically disappearing the desire for food.

On that bright Tuesday morning, it felt like I had been visited by some angels and the fairy god mother had waved her wand over me giving me a new head because I honestly felt nothing like I felt two weeks ago. During the last two weeks, I had fallen in and out of consciousness but by today, it felt like I had fully recovered.
My arms were moving. "Yaaaaas!"
After having a mini-celebration in my head, I called out for George. He was doing a lot better than I was and it really surprised me. I could see the scar from the wound on his face. He was healing fast but I kinda liked how it made him look, weird huh.

"I'm really sorry"
"I should have listened to you"
"It's all my fault"
Those words slipped out my mouth with great ease.

"..shhh!" George spoke up.
"It's not anyone's fault, okay"
"I want you to focus on getting better"

Soon after, my doctor walked in. She looked like she had been working long hours but she managed to wear a smile when entered the room.
"Tired much", I said as I smiled at her.
"Yes but I love my job" she replied with a much more realistic smile on her face.
"You look a lot more better than you did when you came in here", she said.
Can I speak to you in private?
"You can say whatever in front of George," looking at him, with our eyes interlocking and a smile on my face, "he's family" I continued.
"Okay, we physically examined you when you were brought earlier and we discovered that you were raped.."

She did go on saying a lot of things about how she would recommend I see a therapist and blah blah but the happiness that I woke up with was gone in those minutes.
"So, in addition to head trauma I received from the battering, I was raped?"
"..we discovered that you were raped.." Her words played over and over in my head even after I had been discharged. I couldn't just deal with it.


Yesterday was one of those days where I tried to fit the pieces of my life together and make sense of how I got to this point. I had everything planned out, I was going at the right pace in the 'right direction but right now, my life didn't make any sense.
In the midst of my depressed confusion, I slit my wrists.



For sad and gloomy days exist,
Where pain and confusion may kiss.
But on those sad and gloomy days,
Remember love will find a way.


Always remember that '..today belongs to YOU!'
Let's connect on FACEBOOK.
Join the Inspired HeARTs family.
Have an AMAZING weekend!
See you next week FRIDAY!

WAIT!
Before you pull the trigger of the gun pointed to your head,
Before you let your foot slip off and the rope kisses your neck,
Put the pills down for a minute and just listen
Drop the knife, turn on the lights and just breathe.

Breathe...
Feel the air rush through your nostrils
And feel it as it fills your lungs
Feel your heart beat one more time
Feel the rhythm of your soul as your blood flows through your veins.

I know that life can really be unfair.
It just beats you, breaks you, crushes you
And pushes you to the wall.
Life itself is a mystery
But sometimes it get worse.
'Cause it wounds you in its tangles and it makes you feel lost.

Light slowly disperses to darkness
On the days that you find luck.
But on every other day,
Light is nothing more than a wish.

The heavy droplets of your sweat
That fight their way through your pores
Makes you feel like
Even your body is fiercely at war with you.

Nothing matters! Nobody cares!
All I do is stand and stare
I'm standing in the rush crowd
But I've never felt this alone.

Purpose? Forget about it
Joy? Its only a mirage
Love? That's just a word that gives people false hope.
Peace? Well, I can't wait to 'Rest In Peace'.

I know this is how it seems
Emptiness and hurt all around
The truth is I can't claim to understand
Or say that I feel your pain.

But I have a friend who almost took His life
He almost quit His purpose because He felt too much pain
Abandoned by His "loving" Father
His 'friends' turned their backs on Him

He hid Himself, fell to His knees
Screamed at the top of His voice and called on His Father.
But all He could let out was whispers
Because all His strength had gone out of Him

He cried heavily
Sweated profusely
Looked at His life hopelessly
But! He made it through.
He fulfilled purpose.

So, if you tell me, I may not understand it
I may not get the loneliness that you feel
And the emptiness that surrounds you
But trust me, my friend does
His name is Jesus and He cares.

So before you lose all hope
And before you quit living, forget about purpose
And choose death.
Just talk to my friend Jesus
And He will surely send you help.